Computer said no

The dreaded letter arrived from the Inland Revenue telling me that they are disappointed that I have neglected to settle my taxes, and invited me to telephone their Debt Management Department. I called the number, naively expecting a human being to answer and help me to manage my tax debt. I spoke, instead to a Geordie (Geordieland is to the English is what Texas is to Americans). The conversation when like this:

Badmother: I would like to come to an arrangement to settle my taxes.

Geordieman: Can e explain why ee not called like before today like since your tax was due on 31st January man?

BM: Because I haven't received a letter threatening to take me to Court before today.

GM: Did ee make provision like to settle your tax bill man?

BM: Clearly not or I would have paid up on time.

GM: Did ee not think it like would have been a ged idea man te make provision for your taxes man?

BM: Do YOU think it's a good idea to patronise fiscally challenged people who are trying to come to an arrangement?

And so it went on. He refused to accept my offer of a monthly payment and suggested that I borrow the outstanding balance from the bank. I told him that the banks won't lend money because of the regulations the Government have imposed on lending in a knee jerk reaction to the credit crunch, after the horse has bolted, so to speak. Aren't we all in a pickle, I volunteered. Silence. Geordie man then suggested that I come up with a satisfactory proposal within the next seven days. I agreed to see how much the twins would raise on ebay, and hung up.