Whilst writing this post I have a telephone receiver jammed between my shoulder and ear, and I'm on hold to the Revenue due, apparently, to the high volume of calls at the moment. I'm waiting for an adviser to become available. Advisor huh. We'll see.
While waiting, impatiently, I'll share my proposals with you.
1. As a British subject I am concerned about way in which the Government are wasting the tax income they receive. For example, every household in the land is to receive a leaflet advising us what to do if we fear we have swine flu. I can offer the Government the advice that this is totally unnecessary since every household in the country is so well informed on this teeth clenchingly dull subject that they could write an article for the Lancet about it. If there happens to be someone that has managed to avoid the agonisingly patronising news bulletins they must live in a hippy commune in the Welsh Mountains, and therefore have no contact with the outside world, and the swine flu virus. My fee for advising the Government that it can make a huge saving by not sending out any more redundant information is the balance of my tax bill.
2. I'm not confident that this will work, so I have a back up plan. I've applied for a new credit card since that I would prefer to pay interest to a faceless bank whose call centre will be based in New Delhi rather than Tyneside, and although I will probably have as much difficulty understanding the Indian adviser that telephones me to ask why I have not made a payment, I will not have to endure Geordieman again. I intend to inform him that I have followed the fine example set by our leader, Gordon Brown, and borrowed my way out of this crisis. Who do you think will go bankrupt first, I wonder, Badmother or Great Britain?
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