Gone Fishing

I don’t suppose anyone has noticed (sob) that I haven’t written anything for a while. This is due largely to spending the last month or so wallowing in self-pity. Fortunately a dear friend told me to shut the fuck up and do something about it. So I did. I’ve started fishing. I was going to say that this particular brand of fishing doesn’t involve tackle, although I’m hoping it will do at some point in the future. There must surely be a reward for trawling through countless profiles other than the obvious potential for poor puns.

So I’m not afraid to admit that I have joined the crazy world of Plenty of Fish. You would think that the beaches of the South West were chock a block with forty and fifty-something single men, the number that claim walking on the coast is amongst their favourite activities. There are so many adrenaline junkies out there: I was previously blissfully ignorant of the number of surfers, rock climbers and cyclists in the South West. Having an unused gym membership does not make the claim of possession of an “athletic physique” any closer to the truth. It’s not so much the transparently false claims that irritate than the sheer stupidity that these erroneous claims will be plain if any of these men actually get a date.

And they’re all genuinely genuine. However, having a user name “wannafook” may be uncharacteristically honest, but please, it’s not appealing. Neither is the opening gambit “Hi sexy – r u feeling horny?” And that’s not to mention the far too liberal use of lol which should not be employed by anyone over thirty: “Hi lol. Are you free at the weekend? Lol”, “Are u wet? lol”. Those three little letters do not give you permission to suggest a plethora of sexual  practices to a stranger. Mercifully I’ve been blocked by a distinctly unattractive man who accused me of being rude for not replying to his messages. I suggested that what, in fact, would be rude would be telling him that I have no desire to fuck an obese sixty-something that can’t punctuate and has a face like a bag full of spanners. LOL.

In summary, it’s been an eventful, if unedifying fishing expedition so far, but at least I haven’t caught anything...